找一个有趣的英语故事

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angery.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife went out and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
从0到200
故事大体意思：Bob忘了他和妻子的结婚纪念日，妻子很生气，让他明天准备一个礼物，并放在车道上，这个礼物要在6秒能从0变化到200.第二天早上，Bob很早就上班了，然后他妻子起床后发现车道上的确有个礼物盒，她把它拿进屋然后打开，发现是个体重秤。Bob自从周5就失踪了。
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
只有3扇门
大体意思是：一个飞机机长今天看到，在他这般飞机上有个新来的一个金发碧眼的美丽空姐。这班飞机中途要停一站，他对这个空姐很殷勤，带她去了当地最好的机务人员住所。第二天早晨，机长发现这个空姐失踪了，然后他就打旅馆电话问怎么回事，空姐哭哭啼啼的接了电话说：“我出不去了！这只有3扇门。第一个门是卫生间，第二个门是衣柜，第三个门上有个牌子贴着'请勿打扰’。”

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.

Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?

Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？

弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？

妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。

弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

Last week, Mrs Black went to London. She didn’t know London very well, and she lost her way. Suddenly she saw a man near a bus stop. She went up to the man and said, “Excuse me! Can you tell me the way to the hospital, please?” The man smiled. He didn’t know English! He came from Germany. But then he put his hand into his pocket, and took out an English dictionary. He looked up some words. Then he said slowly, “I’m sorry I can’t understand you.”
上周，布莱克夫人去了一趟伦敦。她不太熟悉伦敦，结果她迷路了。突然她在一个公共汽车站附近看见一位男子。她急忙向这位男子走去，说道：“劳驾您一下！请您告诉我去医院的路，好吗？”这位男子笑了。他听不懂英语。他来自德国。但是他将手伸进了自己的衣袋里，从里面掏出了一本英语词典。他查找到了一些单词。然后他一字一句地说：“我很抱歉我听不懂你说的话。”

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧

小马和他的妈妈住在绿草茵茵的十分美丽的小河边。除了妈妈过河给河对岸的村子送粮食的时候，他总是跟随在妈妈的身边寸步不离。
他过的很快乐，时光飞快地过去了。
有一天，妈妈把小马叫到身边说：“小马，你已经长大了，可以帮妈妈做事了。今天你把这袋粮食送到河对岸的村子里去吧。”
小马非常高兴地答应了。他驮着粮食飞快地来到了小河边。可是河上没有桥，只能自己淌过去。可又不知道河水有多深呢？犹豫中的小马一抬头，看见了正在不远处吃草的牛伯伯。小马赶紧跑过去问到：“牛伯伯，您知道那河里的水深不深呀？”
牛伯伯挺起他那高大的身体笑着说：“不深，不深。才到我的小腿。”小马高兴地跑回河边准备淌过河去。他刚一迈腿，忽然听见一个声音说：“小马，小马别下去，这河可深啦。”小马低头一看，原来是小松鼠。小松鼠翘着她的漂亮的尾巴，睁者圆圆的眼睛，很认真地说：
“前两天我的一个伙伴不小心掉进了河里，河水就把他卷走了。”小马一听没主意了。牛伯伯说河水浅，小松鼠说河水深，这可怎么办呀？只好回去问妈妈。
马妈妈老远地就看见小马低着头驮着粮食又回来了。心想他一定是遇到困难了，就迎过去问小马。小马哭着把牛伯伯和小松鼠的话告诉了妈妈。妈妈安慰小马说：“没关系，咱们一起去看看吧。”
小马和妈妈又一次来到河边，妈妈这回让小马自己去试探一下河水有多深。小马小心地试探着，一步一步地淌过了河。噢，他明白了，河水既没有牛伯伯说的那么浅，也没有小松鼠说的那么深。只有自己亲自试过才知道。
小马深情地向妈妈望了一眼，心里说：“谢谢你了，好妈妈。”
然后他转头向村子跑去。他今天特别高兴，你知道是为什么吗？
The pony lives in the green grass bacterium bacterium very beautiful brook side with his mother.In addition to the mother leads river to send the time of food for the village of river opposite shore, he always follows behind nearby closely at the mother.
He leads of very happy, the time passed by by leap and bound.
One day, the mother calls the pony to say nearby:"Pony, you have already grown up, can work for mother.You sent to the village inside of river opposite shore to this bag food to go today."
The pony promised very happily.His wore a food to arrive at a brook side by leap and bound.But there is no bridge on river, oneself can drip pass by.Can not know again river water have much deep?Hesitant medium of once the pony raise head, seeing just at not the distance eat the cow uncle of grass.The pony ran hurriedly to inquire about in the past:"The uncle of the cow, do you know that water in the river isn't deeply deep?"
The cow uncle starts to stand his that high and big body to say with smile:"Not deep, not deep.Just arrive my calf."The pony runs to return to river bank to prepare once dripping river goes to happily.He just on exceeding a leg heard a voice say suddenly:"Pony, the pony doesn't descend to go to, this river can deeply."The pony bends over to look below, is an originally small squirrel.The small squirrel raises her beautiful tail, circle eyes of the circle, say very in earnest:
"One of my colleague drops carelessly the first 2 day into the inside of the river, river water walk his book."Pony a listenned to have no idea.The cow uncle says river water shallow, the small squirrel says river water deeply, how can this do?Have to return to ask a mother.
Mother Ma3 sees pony low from afar head the 驮 wear a food and came back.Wishing him must be meet a difficulty, faced to ask in the past

The Dog and the Shadow（狗和影子）
It happened that a Dog had got a piece of meat and was carrying it home in his mouth to eat it in peace. Now, on his way home he had to cross a plank lying across a running brook. As he crossed, he looked down and saw his own shadow reflected in the water beneath. Thinking it was another dog with another piece of meat, he made up his mind to have that also. So he made a snap at the shadow in the water, but as he opened his mouth the piece of meat fell out, dropped into the water and was never seen more.
一只狗嘴里衔着一块肉，走过一条河上面的桥，看见他自己在水里的影子，以为是另一只狗，那时狗衔着的肉，比他自己的还要大一倍。因此他仍掉自己的那一块，狠狠地扑向那只狗，想夺到那一块较大的肉。结果两头都落了空，因为他想要抓取在水中的那一块，只不过是一个影子，而原来的那一块，也被水冲走了。

haha,i saw one which is really funny and nasty on south park

hey,do you like fishstick?
yeah,sure
do you like to put it in your mouth?
yeah,i guess
so,what are you?a gay fish?

haha,but dont tell anyone else,its a bit naughty!!