Hungry for your love
渴求你的爱
It is cold, so bitter cold, on this dark, winter day in 1942. But it is no different from any other day in this Nazi concentration camp. I stand shivering in my thin rags, still in disbelief that this nightmare is happening. I am just a young boy. I should be playing with friends; I should be going to school; I should be looking forward to a future, to growing up and marrying, and having a family of my own. But those dreams are for the living, and I am no longer one of them. Instead, I am almost dead, surviving from day to day, from hour to hour, ever since I was taken from my home and brought here with tens of thousands other Jews. Will I still be alive tomorrow? Will I be taken to the gas chamber tonight?
那是在1942年的冬天,有一天特别的寒冷,阴暗。但是在德国纳粹的集中营里,每一天都我来说都是一样的。我穿着单薄的衣服,打着寒颤站立着,仍然不相信这场噩梦的降临。我当时只是一个小男孩。小孩在那样的年纪应该是去和朋友玩耍,去学校上学,憧憬着未来,期望长大成人、结婚生子、组织自己的家庭。但是只有活着的人才能有这些梦想,我不再算是个活人了。实际上,我已经算是个死人了。我是在家里被抓的,自从和成千上万的犹太人一起被送到这里来以后,每天、每个小时我都在坚持与死神搏斗。我能挺过明天吗?今晚是不是会把我送毒气室呢?
Back and forth I walk next to the barbed wire fence, trying to keep my emaciated body warm. I am hungry, but I have been hungry for longer than I want to remember. I am always hungry. Edible food seems like a dream. Each day as more of us disappear, the happy past seems like a mere dream, and I sink deeper and deeper into despair. Suddenly, I notice a young girl walking past on the other side of the barbed wire. She stops and looks at me with sad eyes, eyes that seem to say that she understands, that she, too, cannot fathom why I am here. I want to look away, oddly ashamed for this stranger to see me like this, but I cannot tear my eyes from hers.
我沿着带刺的铁丝网内来回走动,试图使我瘦弱的身体保持暖和。我饿了,但我已经饿了太久太久,都记不清楚是从什么时候开始的。我总是处于饥饿的状态。可以下咽的食物对我来说简直就是一个梦。每天,我们中的一些人会突然不见了,快乐的往日时光反倒成了一个梦,我越来越感到绝望。突然,我发现有一个小女孩在铁丝网的另一边步行。她停住脚步,用她悲伤的眼神看着我,从她的眼神我似乎看出了同情,她和我一样不明白为什么我会被关在这里。被这个陌生人看到我这个样子,我感觉有一种奇怪的害臊,试图将眼睛望向别处,但是我就是没有办法不盯着她的眼睛看。
Then she reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a red apple. A beautiful, shiny red apple. Oh, how long has it been since I have seen one! She looks cautiously to the left and to the right, and then with a smile of triumph, quickly throws the apple over the fence. I run to pick it up, holding it in my trembling, frozen fingers. In my world of death, this apple is an expression of life, of love. I glance up in time to see the girl disappearing into the distance.
过了一会,她把手伸进口袋,拿出一个红苹果。那是一个美观的、亮红色的苹果。我都不记得上次看到这种苹果是什么时候了。她小心翼翼地向周围看看,接着带着胜利的微笑,快速地把苹果抛过铁丝网来。我跑过去,将苹果捡了起来,用我颤抖、冰冷的手指握住。在我所住的这块死气沉沉的地方,这个苹果简直就是生命和爱的象征。等我再抬头望时,那女孩在远处慢慢地消失了。
The next day, I cannot help myself-I am drawn at the same time to that spot near the fence. Am I crazy for hoping she will come again? Of course. But in here, I cling to any tiny scrap of hope. She has given me hope and I must hold tightly to it.
第二天,我情不自禁-我无法克制自己,在同样的时间我又走到铁丝网那里去。我痴心妄想她会再次出现?当然。因为,在这种环境里,有一丁点的希望也要抓住。她给了我希望,我必须要抓牢它。
And again, she comes. And again, she brings me an apple, flinging it over the fence with that same sweet smile.
她又出现了。这次她又给我带来了一个苹果,和那个同样甜蜜的微笑一起抛过铁丝网这边来。
This time I catch it, and hold it up for her to see. Her eyes twinkle. Does she pity me? Perhaps. I do not care, though. I am just so happy to gaze at her. And for the first time in so long, I feel my heart move with emotion.
这次我接住了苹果,而且举在手上向她示意。她的眼睛闪耀着光芒。她是在可怜我?也许吧。我才不在乎呢!能看着她我就很高兴了。很久时间以来的第一次,我感到我的心中有了情感。
For seven months, we meet like this. Sometimes we exchange a few words. Sometimes, just an apple. But she is feeding more than my belly, this angel from heaven. She is feeding my soul. And somehow, I know I am feeding hers as well.
我们就像这样交往了七个月。有时候我们也会交谈几句,其它的时候只是一个苹果。但是,她不只是慰藉了我的胃,她就像是天堂来的天使,慰藉了我的灵魂。而且,我知道,在某种程度上,我也慰藉了她的灵魂。
One day, I hear frightening news: we are being shipped to another camp. This could mean the end for me. And it definitely means the end for me and my friend.
一天,我听到一个可怕的消息:我们要被转移到别的集中营去。对我来说真像世界末日,这意味着我和她将要永别了。
The next day when I greet her, my heart is breaking, and I can barely speak as I say what must be said: "Do not bring me an apple tomorrow," I tell her. "I am being sent to another camp. We will never see each other again." Turning before I lose all control, I run away from the fence. I cannot bear to look back. If I did, I know she would see me standing there, with tears streaming down my face.
第二天,当我对她打招呼时,我心都碎了,几乎说不出话来,但是我还是说了必须要说的话:“明天不用给我带苹果来了,”我告诉她。“我要被转移到别的集中营去。我们再也见不了面了。”在情绪失控前,我转身从铁丝网旁边跑开了。我忍不住得想回头望。但是我知道我不能回头,我不能让她看到我泪流满面的样子。
Months pass and the nightmare continues. But the memory of this girl sustains me through the terror, the pain, the hopelessness. Over and over in my mind, I see her face, her kind eyes, I hear her gentle words, I taste those apples.
又是几个月过去,这场噩梦继续着。但是与这个女孩在一起的美好回忆支撑着我度过了那些恐怖、痛苦和绝望的日子。我在脑海里不断地回想起她的脸宠,她和蔼的眼神,她温柔的话语和苹果的美味。
And then one day, just like that, the nightmare is over. The war has ended. Those of us who are still alive are freed. I have lost everything that was precious to me, including my family. But I still have the memory of this girl, a memory I carry in my heart and gives me the will to go on as I move to America to start a new life.
直到有一天,就这样突然之间,噩梦结束了。战争结束了。集中营里还活着的人自由了。我已经失去了所有宝贵的东西,包括我的家庭。但是我还保有对这个女孩的记忆,放在心里的记忆,它给予我继续生活的意志,我移居到了美国,开始了新生活。
Years pass. It is 1957. I am living in New York City. A friend convinces me to go on a blind date with a lady friend of his. Reluctantly, I agree. But she is nice, this woman named Roma. And like me, she is an immigrant, so we have at least that in common.
转眼间就到了1957年,我当时住在纽约市。一位朋友游说我与他的一位女性朋友相亲。我不太情愿地答应了。其实,那位女人不错,她名叫罗玛。同我一样,她也是位移民,所以我们至少有这个共同点。
"Where were you during the war?" Roma asks me gently, in that delicate way immigrants ask one another questions about those years.
“在战争的时候你在哪?”罗玛小心翼翼地问我,移民们互相问到那些岁月时都会用那种微妙的语调。
"I was in a concentration camp in Germany," I reply.
“我当时在德国的集中营里,”我回答。
Roma gets a far away look in her eyes, as if she is remembering something painful yet sweet.
罗玛的眼神变得意味深长,仿佛她想起了什么事,痛苦但又甜蜜的事。
"What is it?" I ask.
“怎么了?”我问道。
"I am just thinking about something from my past, Herman," Roma explains in a voice suddenly very soft. "You see, when I was a young girl, I lived near a concentration camp. There was a boy there, a prisoner, and for a long while, I used to visit him every day. I remember I used to bring him apples. I would throw the apple over the fence, and he would be so happy."
“我只是想起了从前的一些事情,赫尔曼,”罗玛突然用一种深情的声音向我解释。“你知道的,我当时是个小女孩,我住在一所集中营附近。有个囚徒被关在营里,是个小男孩,在比较长的一段时间里,我天天都去探望他。我记得我给他带去苹果。我把苹果抛过防护网,他就非常高兴。”
Roma sighs heavily and continues. "It is hard to describe how we felt about each other-after all, we were young, and we only exchanged a few words when we could-but I can tell you, there was much love there. I assume he was killed like so many others. But I cannot bear to think that, and so I try to remember him as he was for those months we were given together."
罗玛重重叹了口气,继续说道。“很难说清楚我们当时对彼此的感觉,毕竟,我们都很年轻,而且有机会时我们也只谈过几句话,但是我可以告诉你,我和他之间还是有感觉的。我想他肯定和其他人一样,被杀了。但是我接受不了他已死了,所以我尽量去怀念他还活着的时候,我们在一起度过的那几个月时光。”
With my heart pounding so loudly I think it will explode, I look directly at Roma and ask, "And did that boy say to you one day, 'Do not bring me an apple tomorrow. I am being sent to another camp'?"
我的心狂跳起来,还真怕它会爆炸了。我盯着罗玛的眼睛看着,问道,“有一天,那个男孩是否对你说,‘明天不用给我带苹果来了。我要被转移到别的集中营去’?”
"Why, yes," Roma responds, her voice trembling.
“哎?是呀,”罗玛回答道,她的声音在颤抖。
"But, Herman, how on earth could you possibly know that?"
“但是,赫尔曼,你怎么可能会知道这个?”
I take her hands in mine and answer, "Because I was that young boy, Roma."
我拉她的手,回答,“因为我就是那个小男孩,罗玛。”
For many moments, there is only silence. We cannot take our eyes from each other, and as the veils of time lift, we recognize the soul behind the eyes, the dear friend we once loved so much, whom we have never stopped loving, whom we have never stopped remembering.
此时无声胜有声。我们无法将眼光从彼此身上移开,随着时间的面纱被揭开,我们认出了彼此眼光后面的灵魂,我们深深地爱着对方的灵魂,我们从来没有停止过相爱,我们从来没有停止过回忆那段往事。
Finally, I speak: "Look, Roma, I was separated from you once, and I don't ever want to be separated from you again. Now, I am free, and I want to be together with you forever. Dear, will you marry me?"
最后,我说道:“你看,罗玛,我曾经和你分开过,但我再也不想和你分开了。现在,我自由了,我想和你永远在一起。亲爱的,你愿意嫁给我吗?”
I see that same twinkle in her eye that I used to see as Roma says, "Yes, I will marry you," and we embrace, the embrace we longed to share for so many months, but barbed wire came between us. Now, nothing ever will again.
在她的眼里,我看到了当年看到过的光芒,罗玛说道,“愿意,我愿意嫁给你,”我们拥抱了,这是早在多少年前我们就期望的拥抱,但是当时铁丝网挡住了我们。现在,这样的事再也不会发生了。
Almost forty years have passed since that day when I found my Roma again. Destiny brought us together the first time during the war to show me a promise of hope and now it had reunited us to fulfill that promise.
差不多在我和罗玛再次相遇的40年以后。第一次,是命运在战时使我们走到一起,向我展现了希望的承诺,现在它又和我们重聚来履行那个承诺。
Valentine's Day, 1996. I bring Roma to the Oprah Winfrey Show to honor her on national television. I want to tell her in front of millions of people what I feel in my heart every day:
1996年情人节。我带着罗玛参加了奥普拉.温弗雷脱口秀,在国家电视台的节目中表达我对她的爱。我希望在亿万观众面前告诉她,每一天我在心里对她的感觉:
"Darling, you fed me in the concentration camp when I was hungry. And I am still hungry, for something I will never get enough of: I am only hungry for your love."
“亲爱的,当我在集中营里饥饿时,你用食物喂我。但是我现在还是饿,因为有些东西你始终喂不饱我:我只是渴求你的爱。”